The funeral was Ayden’s. The weddings were our cousins’.
In less that a month of Ayden’s passing, my husband’s cousin was getting married.
I decided I won’t attend the wedding. Reasons – 1) I was really not in a mood to celebrate anything, 2) I didn’t want to face extended family coming and telling me ‘time is the healer’ or ‘you’ll have a kid soon.’
But this cousin, whom I am decently close to, insisted that I attend her wedding, and she assured me that nobody will come and tell or ask me things that I didn’t want to hear. I knew, it’s not in her hands, but I still went for the wedding for her.
I regretted going.
It pulled me apart to see that everybody was celebrating without having to worry about how they’ll live the next day. They had come from different cities to be part of the wedding. I was there, smiling throughout, avoiding any eye contact wherever I sensed insensitivity at an arms length.
I still heard things that I never wanted to hear.
My cousin’s wedding. We are a big & close-knit family. A cousin is as important as your own sibling, in the broader sense. So, missing that wedding would be a big deal. I, of course, didn’t want to attend. I was dreading any call from my aunt insisting that I travel to my hometown to attend the wedding. I was making up excuses in my mind.
But thank goodness, sensitive people do exist. She called me up and invited for the wedding and added – I know you might not want to come. That’s ok. It’s difficult for me to answer a few people when they ask about what happened. So, I can imagine how difficult it will be for you to explain. So, feel free to skip the wedding, if you feel that way.
I was relieved.
Another wedding in the family. Again, my cousin’s. By then I was back to work, so my excuse was ready – I don’t think I’ll get leaves around then because I’ve just joined back. Everybody bought that.
After the wedding, I called my cousin’s mom, my aunt. She said – everything went on perfectly well, except that you were not here. We all missed your presence. For all the weddings in the family, you are always the first one to initiate singing, dancing… We missed all that.
I’m supposed to say – I missed it too. But I avoided that part, because, honestly I didn’t miss any of that. I was happy sipping on my evening coffee in my pajamas when all the singing and dancing was happening in another part of the country.
No more weddings coming up anytime soon in the family. So, that’s a solace. But there are quite a lot of birth announcements coming up in the next few months. I’ll brace myself for that!