Deepavali Lights


It’s diwali/deepavali today – the festival of lights. I lit up a few diyas at home and had an inward cringe looking at the fire.

I had a little fire
I oiled the lamp all the time
Changed the wicks with every flicker

I protected it,
from the midnight winds
from the thundering rains

I held it close to me,
but breathed slow,
for my fire to lit up

My little fire danced,
bright orange & alive
spreading light & joy

it rained in summer
The winds changed the direction

My little fire startled,
and flickered,
and flickered again
until it slowly faded away

It left the burn mark
right here in my womb!

PS: Ayden means ‘little fire’ in ancient Gaelic!

Happy Diwali!


Author: Mother that isn't

Would you call yourself a mother when your only child dies? My son, Ayden, born with a Congenital Heart Disease called TGA, underwent an open heart surgery at 7 days old and passed away when he was almost a month old. This blog is an attempt to document all the major emotional ups & downs of losing your own child. With no intentions to be rude, I genuinely wish people understood the emotions a little better!

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